I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
