If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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