You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
