Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
