the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
