Your face is a jimmy john
I love black thongs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
