I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
