I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
