im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
