I cockslap morals
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
