I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
