she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
