i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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