I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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