I feel great
I just peed on a car
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
