Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
