god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
