I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
