i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
