how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
