I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
