At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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