So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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