Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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