did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
