So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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