Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
