Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
