Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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