I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize