Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
