Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
