Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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