I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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