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so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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