the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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