Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
