You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
