I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
