I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
