look no pants
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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