I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize