the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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