can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
