he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize