is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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