I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize