two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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