my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
