dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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