im about as happy as oj after his trial
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
