remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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