You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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