There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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