Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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