i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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