I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
