I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
