Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
