Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
