Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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