she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize