I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
