I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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