So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
