are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
