What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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