If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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