You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
