i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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