I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
