hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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