I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
