I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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