I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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