So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
