Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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