Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
