Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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