That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
