i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
