So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it because I queefed?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
