I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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