They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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