He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize