Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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