dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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