so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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