I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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